How would you describe a confident and happy person? You would probably say that the person has a dynamic and excited physiology with upright head etc.
How would you describe a very tired and sad person? The physiology would be quite different to the above description. The head bent down, eyes looking down, slumped shoulders etc.
When we are “down”, we can lift the spirit by applying the posture of a person who is in a very resourceful state. Lift head and shoulders and center the weight. When we have this posture, we are sending messages to the brain that we are now in a very energetic, confident and happy mood.
What to do if I do not feel like doing it? PRETEND!!! You know how the posture would be so you can just pretend you are a person with the appropriate posture and you will achieve the result.
Fake it until you make it!
We can adjust the images we have in our heads. We can make the pictures bigger and brighter. If you do so, you make it stronger. If you for example are afraid of presenting at meetings or making a speech, you can imagine a circle in front of you on the floor. You can give it your favourite colour, one that you connect with strength and confidence. Step into that circle and relive a situation in which you behaved excellently, exactly the way you want to behave in future difficult situations (if you do not have any events to refer to, then just create it as you most likely know exactly how you want to respond). See through your own eyes, hear what you heard, see what you saw, and feel what you felt. Make it all even stronger by adjusting sounds, lights etc. Step out of the circle. Think of something completely different, such as what to do in your next holiday. Step into the circle again, and fully relive what you just did before. Step out and think of something different. Repeat this about five times. Whenever you have a need for being that strong person in the circle, you can just in your mind step into it and BE that one.
One of my friends is such a nice person to be around, but she talks about how unhappy she is with herself in certain situations. She would like to be confident and assertive just as her sister, but she often feels weak and out of control. If you have a similar problem, you can use the following tool:
Decide for the next ten minutes to be the person with all the characteristics you want to have (assertive, confident etc.). Then go on as usual. Apply the ten-minute exercise again, and repeat it about five or more times throughout the day. Gradually you achieve the confidence (or what you want or need) instead of uncontrollable nervousness. It is like playing a role, and it becomes more and more easy, the more you put it into practice.
When I guide people to wanted changes, I always make sure that the change will not hurt anyone or anything. I still remember one telling me about a sales person, who one year decided to reach a certain amount of sales. He was married and had a little son. He worked extremely hard and achieved the result. However, the day he proudly returned home to tell about the achieved goal, his wife and son left him as they felt he was never there for them. Remember to have balance in life and consider that what you pursue really gives you the result you truly aim for.